Surviver's Guilt
by pikapikatchu
Summary: Staying friends feels almost impossible after Greg and officer Spencer survive a vicious attack
1. Chapter 1

**New story's here! I hope you enjoy it, maybe let me know what you think! Have fun!**

* * *

"No, I know. I'll be there as soon as I can, but the crime scene was also quite huge and I... Okay, sure. Yeah, bye." Greg hung up the phone annoyed, throwing it on the passenger seat of his denali as he made a right turn. Russell had called him to tell him not to waste any time on his crime scene because he needed him to help him with his. Greg was fed up with being expected to be at two places at the same time but knew there wasn't much to do about it, anyway, so he complied – but he wasn't happy with it. His phone rang again. "What now?" he asked as he answered it.

" _...Something wrong?"_ Nick asked on the other end of the line.

"Oh Nick, sorry, I thought you were Russell. He's bugging me today. What's up?"

" _That's actually what I'm calling about. I overheard him asking you to help him at his scene."_

"Asking isn't the right word, but... go on."

" _I told him I'll come with him, so there's no hurry."_

"Thank you, but I'm already on my way there. And I know you have an appointment with the D.A. in two hours."

" _You can take over then. But you just come from your scene, I'm sure you can use a coffee break. Plus, you wouldn't even get the opportunity to get your evidence to the lab."_

Greg thought about it for a moment. He knew Nick was right. "Okay... Thank you. But I owe you. I'll be there in about an hour, alright?"

" _Sure, no hurry."_

Greg hung up the phone with a relieved smile on his face that quickly faded as the denali started making weird noises. "...What the...? No!" The car died down quickly, Greg could barely steer it to the right to park it on the side of that dark, shady street he was just driving on. "God damn it, not now! Come on!" He attempted to get the engine to start again a few times before realizing there was no point in trying anymore, so he got out to take a look under the hood. While he was kicking the car in anger, a patrol car drove up to him.

"Need any help, Si... Oh hey Greg! Didn't recognize you at first." Officer Spencer smiled at him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, it's just the stupid car won't work anymore."

"The battery, maybe? Should we..."

Greg interrupted him. "No, it's the engine. I told Russell weeks ago that something was wrong, but he wouldn't let me get the damned car to a shop over a 'hunch', budget cuts or whatever. I **knew** this would happen."

Spencer got out of the patrol car while his partner stayed inside. "Here, let me show you something." He got his phone out and started dialing.

Greg watched him rather unimpressed. He was too angry with Russell right now to even try to pretend he cared.

Spencer hung the phone up with a big smile on his face. "Tow truck's gonna be here in half an hour!"

"...Thanks." He put his hand on the door handle of the denali, meaning to open up to wait inside, but Spencer put his hand on the door to keep him from doing that. "...Hey."

"What are you doing, Greg? You can ride with us!" He laughed as he patted him on the back.

The pat was quite dynamic, causing Greg to stumble. "Thanks but... I should wait here. I have the trunk full with evidence, and all the equipment..."

Spencer nodded. "Sure. Well in that case..." He opened the back door of the patrol car. "Come on, get in." When Greg frowned rather confused, he went on, "We can wait for the tow truck together. We're on our lunch break. Want a burger?"

"...No, I'm good, thanks." Greg sighed deeply. Waiting with the annoying officer Spencer for the tow truck was the last thing he wanted to do right now.

* * *

"Take good care of it," Spencer said to the tow truck driver with a smile on his face as the denali got towed away. "Okay Greg, to the lab, I guess?"

The evidence was now stored in the trunk of the patrol car. "Yes, please." Greg nodded. "...Finally," he said under his breath. Spencer could be quite annoying with his over-loving way.

Spencer's partner Turner started the car and they drove off.

"Oh damn! I forgot to call Nick!" Greg quickly got his cell phone out.

"Wow, are you two married or something?" Spencer laughed to conceal his jealousy. "Does he have to know everything you do?"

"...No, but he's waiting for me at a crime scene." The CSI quickly called his friend to explain to him what happened. "You know what," he said after he hung up the phone, "Is it okay if we drive straight to the crime scene? The evidence can wait, Nick can't."

"Turner, you heard the man." Spencer had an annoyed look on his face. Looking out the window, he spotted someone. "Hey wait a minute, isn't this the guy from last week?"

"Who?" Turner looked to where Spencer was pointing at. "...Oh yeah right, the drug addict who robbed a liquor store."

"...What are you doing?" Greg asked confused as they hit the sirens and drove up to the man.

"Arresting him, what do you think?"

"...Now?"

The man was too drugged up to realize the police was stopping to arrest him. They were able to detain him quite easily, putting him in the back of the car next to Greg.

"Great. That's great. I knew I should've taken a cab."

"Oh come on, he doesn't smell **that** bad. Besides, he's asleep, he's not bothering you." Spencer chuckled.

"Isn't he?" Greg was repeatedly pushing the man away from him, as he kept leaning against him in his sleep. "I'm not that into snuggling up with criminals, you know."

Turner shook his head annoyed. "He won't ruin your fancy clothes, now, will he?" After a few minutes into their drive, the officer noticed the car behind them was driving up quite close. "What the hell is this guy doing?"

Spencer turned around. "How much in a hurry can you be to tailgate a police car? Hit the lights, he basically asked for it."

"...Is that really necessary?" Greg asked nervously. "We're kind of in a hurry."

"It's not always about you, Greg." The officer rolled his eyes. "The lights, Turner."

Turner did as he slowed down the car in a means to stop alltogether. The car behind them stopped a few feet away from them. "Alright, what do you say, Spencer? Drunk or sober?"

"I'd say sober."

Greg watched the two bet whether the driver of the other car was drunk or not, only getting more impatient. He felt like they were wasting his time. "Guys..."

"Yeah I know, you're in a hurry. Just sit tight."

"No, I... there's something wrong."

"Typical with you nerds. Pissing your pants over a regular traffic stop. We have to do this every single day, you don't see us complaining about it," Turner said as he gave him a look.

"Wait, don't open the door, I think..."

"Oh now you're gonna tell me how to do my job?" Turner laughed humorlessly while putting his hand on the door handle.

"Don't!" Greg yelled before the patrol car got rear-ended. It was quite a violent impact the men inside all affected one way or another. They didn't get time to react in any way, though. The car hit them a second time.

"Is everyone okay?" Spencer asked as he put his hand on the right side of his head.

Greg coughed a little. He was the only one still wearing his seatbelt and being pressed against it hurt. "I-I think so."

The drug addict woke up confused, trying to flail around in a panic, but being unable to do so by the cuffs around his wrists. This only caused him to panic more.

"Easy!" Greg yelled as he tried to calm him down.

"...What's going on? Get me out of here!" the man yelled as he stopped moving around as much.

Spencer looked through the rear window. "What's he doing now? Is he still sitting inside?"

"Yeah, I think so. What now?" Greg stared at the man.

"You sit tight, Greg. Turner and I will... Turner? Hey, are you okay?" Turner's nose was bleeding heavily, his head hanging down. He was unconscious. "...Damn, no! Turner?!" Spencer checked his vitals when the car got hit a third time. "...Damn it, I've had it with this guy!" He drew his gun while calling for backup.

"W-What are you doing?" Greg asked quite scared.

"You got your gun with you?"

The CSI shook his head.

"...Typical, indeed..." Spencer said under his breath as he grabbed Turner's gun and handed it to him. "Here."

Greg grabbed it but moaned in pain. "I-I think I hurt my wrist."

"Then use the other hand. You need to give me backup."

Greg sighed frightened as he finally unbuckled and got out of the car. He pointed the gun in the other car's direction, trying to take cover behind the banged-up patrol car.

"Hey, where are you going? Don't leave me here!" the drug addict yelled desperately.

"LVPD! Show me your hands!" Spencer yelled, pointing his gun at the car as well.

The driver just kept seated without moving. But they could see him smile.

"...What's he up to now?"

"When's backup gonna be here?" Greg asked in desperation. He felt highly uncomfortable in these standoffs, but holding the gun in his left hand surely didn't help the situation at all.

"...I hope soon. I'm not feeling well."

Greg raised an eyebrow. "You'll be fine. Take deep breaths."

"No, I... I'm nauseaus and dizzy and..." Spencer fainted, falling down to the ground.

"Spencer! No! You need to..." When Greg turned around in an attempt to aid his colleague, three bullets came flying in his direction, missing him by a few inches. Greg took cover as he watched the driver get out of his car with his gun still pointing at them.

"Come on man, help me out! Quick!" the drug addict was getting desperate, trying to kick in the car window, but Greg didn't concentrate on him. He kept his eyes fixated on the gunman walking up to him. He tried shooting at him, but the gun was jammed.

When the gunman realised this, a big, wide grin formed on his face. "Throw me the gun. Now."

Greg knew he had no choice but to do what this guy wanted from him and lift his arms.

The gunman caught the gun, his grin only getting wider. "Good boy." He stood there, his eyes fixating on Greg. Staring at him for quite some time, he walked over to officer Spencer, bending down. Greg was already closing his eyes, preparing for the worst, but he never heard the gunshot he expected. Instead, he felt the man grab his hurting wrist, causing him to cry out in pain.

* * *

It took a while for officer Spencer to regain consciousness. He looked around confused, his headache almost as intense as his nausea and dizziness. He slowly got up, looking around. "...Greg?"

"Spencer, are you okay?" Greg asked with a pain-ridden face. He was sitting on the ground, his arms up to the car door, cuffed around the car door window frame. The swelling on his right wrist was getting worse and the handcuffs around it hurt, as well as the position he had to keep his hands in.

"I'm not sure, I feel like hell... Is everybody okay? ...Turner, he was unconscious. How is he? Turner? Buddy?"

When Greg noticed Spencer moving, trying to take a look at Turner, he stopped him. "Wait. Spencer, don't."

The officer frowned. "What is it?"

Greg shook his head with tears in his eyes. "I think he shot him."

"...No. No, he didn't. No!" Spencer hopped up, ignoring his body's urge to lie down again and hurrying over to his partner. "Turner, no!"

Listening to Spencer's desperate cries and sobs was almost unbearable for Greg. A scary assumption became heartbreaking, terrifying reality.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you guys for your interest! I love reading your sweet Reviews, keep 'em coming ;)**

* * *

Greg walked through the hospital to look for Spencer right after getting his wounds treated. He had no idea what he would say to him once he found him, but he knew he needed to be there for him right now. He was still trying to comprehend what just happened to him. After asking at the desk, he finally found the room Spencer was in. He needed to get some tests done since the doctors suspected he had a concussion. Brass was already with him in the room, cautiously asking him about what he remembered.

Greg knocked as he walked in. "Hey Jim." He gave the Captain a faint smile.

Brass nodded acknowledging. "How are you feeling?"

He nodded with a fake smile as he choked back tears.

"What happened out there, man?" Spencer said with a horrified look on his face. "How could you let this happen?"

Greg walked in closer. "There was nothing either one of us could've done, he had a gun and..."

"So did you!" Spencer yelled angrily. "Why didn't you shoot first?!"

"I-I tried to, but..." Greg was quite confused over the officer's frustration directed at him.

"I'll talk to Greg later, let's focus on you now, Spencer," Brass intervened, but the officer wasn't finished yet.

"You don't 'try', you just **shoot**. You get training, don't you?"

Greg knew that Spencer was just angry about his partner's gruesome death, but hearing him say these things hurt, nonetheless. He just stood there, taking the verbal abuse from the officer.

"Okay, Greg, why don't you go wait outside? I'll be with you in a moment. Russell's on the way, he should be here any second." Brass got off his seat to walk Greg out, while Spencer was shouting after him.

* * *

When Russell and Nick walked into the hospital, Greg was sitting in the waiting area, instantly jumping off his seat as he saw the two. Without saying a word, Nick hugged his friend. After a few moments, Greg tried to get out of the embrace, but Nick didn't let him. He hugged him tighter. "We thought you were the one who got shot. We only heard it through the radio and Brass didn't pick up his phone. We were so scared, Greg."

"I'm fine," he replied as he wiped his tears away. "Turner died. He had a weak pulse when the paramedics arrived but..." He shook his head. "I couldn't stop it. I tried to but... I couldn't."

Brass walked up to the three. "Hey guys. I just finished talking to Spencer, he doesn't remember much but the good news is, he doesn't have a concussion. He can leave the hospital today." He put his hand on Greg's shoulder. "If it's okay with you, I'd like to get your statement right away. I already asked the doctors for someplace private, we can use the doctor's lounge."

Greg nodded. "Of course, yeah. Let's go."

"In a second, I'd like to talk to Russell for a moment." He walked Russell a few steps away.

Nick sighed as he watched them walk off. "This could take a while, do you need anything? Something to eat, coffee?" When Greg shook his head, Nick added, "You look a little tired. There's a vending machine over there, I'll get you a cup of coffee." He looked at his friend but didn't get any reaction at all, he was already deep into his thoughts. "Don't move," he said before walking towards the vending machine.

Nick kept glancing over to Greg as he saw him interact with Spencer, who had just walked up to him. He put money into the vending machine, his eyes occasionally looking over to his friend and the officer. Before the coffee was ready, he heard some yelling. He needed a moment to recognize the yelling voice as Spencer's. When he looked over to the two again, Spencer had already pushed Greg against a wall. He hurried over. "Hey!" He needed to pull the officer off of Greg, as he was grabbing the CSIs shirt to push him against the wall again and again. "What the hell's wrong with you?!"

"Nick, it's okay," Greg said in a calm voice.

" 'Okay'?! This isn't okay, what is going on?!"

"Don't start anything, Stokes, because I **will** fight you!" Spencer yelled as he came closer to Nick.

"...Excuse me?!"

"Nick, he's hurting, he's just venting. Calm down." Greg got between the two, hoping to diffuse the situation that way. But it only agitated Spencer more.

"How many times do I have to tell you to shut up, Greg?!" The officer pushed him again.

"Alright, that's enough." Nick grabbed the officer's arm, trying to guide him away from Greg.

Spencer was in no mood to do as Nick said, so he tried to punch him in the face. But he was weakened by the attack and all the crying, so Nick was able to fight him off quite easily, overpowering him by pushing him on the floor and holding him down.

Greg stood by helplessly, not quite sure how to react.

Brass and Russell were walking back, quite shocked over the sight. "What's going on?!"

Spencer didn't even fight back, he just kept lying flat on his stomach, crying. "Why'd you let this happen, Greg? Why?!"

* * *

Greg sat down in the doctor's lounge, obviously in pain. He claimed this was from the attack, but in reality it was Spencer causing him a few bruises on his back when he pushed him against the wall repeatedly. He felt like he could get him in trouble if he told the truth and he didn't want that.

"Can I get you anything?" Brass asked with a soft smile.

"No thanks, I'm fine." He sipped on the coffee Nick got him. "I just need you to know that this wasn't my fault, Brass."

"Never thought it was."

"Well, Spencer sure does. But the gun... It was jammed."

"Your gun?"

He shook his head. "I didn't bring mine to the scene tonight." He looked quite thoughtful now, realizing that if he had, Turner might still be alive. It took him a few seconds before he was able to focus again. "Spencer handed me Turner's gun, I tried to shoot at the attacker but it was jammed." He went on to explain everything else that had happened. When he came to the part where Turner was shot, his eyes watered. He tried fighting back the tears as good as he could, but once he was finished talking they came running down his cheeks. "I feared for my life as much as I did for everybody else's, I **wanted** to shoot, I just couldn't. You need to tell Spencer that. He needs to know that I **tried** to stop him."

* * *

Greg decided to take a whole week off after the attack. He spent those seven days mostly sitting at home alone and trying to avoid Nick when he came home. The two were still living at Nick's place and even though Greg had planned to give Nick his space back by moving back home, in this situation he found himself in he wanted to stay close to his friend, but at the same time he felt the need to be alone.

On day four of that week, Greg was getting ready to leave the house when Nick came home from an exhausting double shift. "Hey Greg." He looked quite surprised and happy when he saw Greg putting his shoes on. He never left the house for the last three days. "Where are you going?"

"Spencer's," he replied as he put his jacket on.

"...What? By yourself?"

He gave him a look. "It's 2 p.m., I think I will be fine."

"I didn't mean that. But Spencer's depressed and angry. And he blames you, he almost attacked you. Both of us, actually."

"I got a text from Charlotte. She's finished her report, it confirms that the gun was jammed. I'm sure Brass already told Spencer and if he didn't, I will."

"It's not about the gun, Greg. It never was. Spencer knows that it's not your fault, he just needs to put the blame on someone."

"I need him to know it wasn't my fault. I need to make sure he knows and understands."

Nick sighed. "It wasn't. I think you need to understand that before he does."

He looked away ashamed as he shook his head. "No, I know."

"It's okay to..."

Greg interrupted him. "This isn't about me, Nick. It's about Spencer. He just lost his partner and couldn't do anything about it. Isn't it normal he feels responsible, even though there was nothing he could've done?"

"...Greg, you're not talking about Spencer. You're talking about yourself. And you're right, it's normal to feel responsible, but you're not."

Greg just gave him a sad look before opening the door. He didn't walk right out, though. "...I just keep thinking about it. I dream about it. I keep wondering if there was something I could've done to change the outcome."

"...And did you come up with a scenario?"

He slightly shook his head. "There was no time to get Spencer's gun, when I realized my gun was jammed the guy was already too close."

"So what else could you have done?"

Greg's hand slid off the door handle slowly. "I just waited. I waited for this guy to kill us all. I didn't try to fight him or..."

Nick interrupted him quickly. "You described him as tall and big, he had a gun and you didn't. Had you tried to fight him, you'd probably be dead now, too."

He frowned. "Why aren't I? I mean, why did he shoot Turner, but not Spencer or me?"

"To be honest, I never wasted a moment to think about that. I'm just glad you're okay." Nick smiled at him as he patted his shoulder. "If you really want to go talk to Spencer, let me come with you, alright? You don't have to do this alone."

* * *

"So when's your next appointment with Dr. Reyes?" Nick asked, trying to sound casual, as they walked into Spencer's apartment complex.

Greg gave him a look. "Next month, why?"

"Well, don't you think it might be a good idea to talk to her about this? You're feeling guilty for something you had no power over."

"I'll be fine once I know Spencer's fine." Greg rang the doorbell with shaky hands.

Nick noticed this. "Are you okay? Are you sure you want to do this now?"

"Don't have much of a choice, Nick."

Spencer opened the door. His blood-shot eyes were evidence he had recently been crying, something that wasn't all that surprising. He was wearing nothing but boxer briefs, his hair was unkempt and he reeked of alcohol. "Hey guys. What are you doing here?"

Greg struggled to hide the shock in his face. He expected Spencer to be a mess, but this was a bit much to handle. "H-Hey Spencer. We just wanted to check on you. Can... Can we come in?"

"Yeah, whatever." Spencer walked away from the door to sit down on the couch, downing his beer. Several empty cans were lying around the apartment.

The two CSIs walked in, looking around the room. It was obvious that Spencer hadn't left his home for the last four days, either, with lots of empty food containers from deliveries lying around and his work uniform lying on the floor, probably the last piece of clothing he had been wearing. "Spencer, I... Do you need anything?" Greg asked quite helplessly.

"Like what?" the officer asked as he opened another beer can.

"I don't know, anything. I just need to..."

"Clear your conscience? There's no need to, I know you did nothing wrong. I should probably apologize to you... and you, Nick."

Greg sat down next to him on the couch. He wasn't too comfortable sitting that close to this nearly naked man. "I'm so sorry for what happened."

"Stop it, there's no need to. Brass told me about the jammed gun, and even without that I know that you didn't cause this."

"Yeah but..." Greg tried to speak what was on his mind, but Spencer didn't let him. He shut him down quick and aggressively.

"I said stop it! I don't want to hear it!" Spencer yelled as he threw his fist on the couch's backrest in anger, just a few inches away from Greg.

"Come on, get up." Nick pulled Greg off the couch. "He doesn't deserve what you're trying to do," he whispered to him.

"He's just grieving, it's alright," Greg whispered back.

"Hey you guys, you either grab a beer, sit down and shut up or leave. I'm in no mood to talk right now." Spencer was getting quite frustrated. He was angry with himself for the way he just treated Greg, but his thoughts were too clouded by his partner's death to even think about apologizing right now.

Greg sighed. "Call me when you need anything, alright? Anything."

"Hey Greg?" Spencer said as Nick and Greg were already at the door. "Do you ever ask yourself why Turner died while the two of us lived? I remember clearly that Turner was unconscious when I blacked out. You even stated so on your report."

Greg slightly nodded as he stared at the officer.

"So why did he let the only conscious one, the only one who could identify him... Why did he let you live? Why?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Ready for the next chapter? ;)**

* * *

A full week had passed and Greg was back to work. He feared coming back – not because of the dangers the job brought with it – but because he was worried how his colleagues, especially the ones from the police station, were reacting to him.

He was working a big crime scene with Russell and Nick, who were both inside the house while he was processing the backyard, where a murder took place. Officer Grant was standing next to the door, watching Greg and making sure he was safe. The stern face impression irritated Greg a bit, he didn't even greet the CSI when he walked in. He was well aware that Grant and Turner were good friends so he tried to stay out of the officer's way as good as possible.

"So how you doin'?" Grant asked after quite a long period of silence.

Greg's concentration broke, he almost let the piece of evidence he just picked up with a pair of tweezers fall down. "Uh... I'm... holding up," he answered as he bagged the evidence.

"Yeah? Visited Spencer yet?"

He nodded. "He didn't really want to see me, though."

"Doesn't surprise me."

Greg sighed as he tried to concentrate on the evidence again, but the officer wasn't finished yet.

"I can't imagine what it's like to be there when your partner dies, yet don't know what exactly happened. It must be horrible to never know what went down."

He tried to be understanding – after all, they all lost a friend and colleague – but he had enough with the passive-agressiveness they all presented towards him. "Is there anything you want to say to me, officer?" He stood face to face with him.

"Like what? That it's quite suspicious you survived while Turner died, even though he was unconscious?" He laughed humorlessly.

"Okay, that's **enough**!" Greg tossed his flashlight away in anger. "The whole day I had to pretend that I didn't see all the looks and didn't hear the whispers any time I walk by any of you! I did nothing wrong! I'm as devastated over Turner's death as the rest of you. Stop trying to make me out to be the bad guy here when there's a cop killer on the loose!"

The officer took a step forward as the smirk on his face slowly faded.

The same moment as Greg realized he couldn't handle the consequences his big mouth could lead to, Russell walked into the yard. "How's it going here? ...Am I interrupting something?" He looked around, instantly noticing the flashlight on the floor. He walked over to pick it up. "I think you dropped something." He sensed the tension between his colleague and the officer. "How far did you get?"

"Only about an hour of work left, I think," Greg replied, repeatedly looking at Grant.

"How about we switch? I take over here, you finish my work inside."

"No, I'm good," he said as he looked into Grant's eyes quite provocatively.

"Are you sure?" the supervisor asked quite worried.

"Mhm," was all he replied as he nodded.

Russell didn't feel too comfortable leaving the two just like that, but he didn't want to patronize Greg, either, so he decided to check on them every once in a while. After he left, Greg went back to work and officer Grant went back to watching him in silence.

* * *

Greg was walking out of the police station with a big sigh. Some officers were treating him the same way as they did before, but others let him feel that they held him somewhat responsible for Turner's death. He felt very uncomfortable inside these walls and was glad he got out of there.

"What exactly is this?!" Officer Spencer stormed towards him, holding up a file.

Greg looked quite surprised at him. "...I don't know, what **is** it?"

Spencer threw the files at him. "This is your report on the incident?! Are you serious?! Change it!"

Greg frowned confused. "What do you mean? I told Brass what happened."

"That's **not** how it went down!"

"...Which part do you mean?" Greg was trying to stay calm. He was nervous as hell but didn't want to let it show.

"I never gave you a gun. Your own gun was jammed."

He shook his head. "No, you gave me Turner's. I didn't have mine with me, I hardly ever do."

"No!" Spencer yelled, "Turner's going to take the blame, right? You mess up and his name gets dragged."

"Guns get jammed, Spencer. This was a tragic incident, no one's at fault here."

"Yeah? Will you tell I.A. that, too? They're already snooping around, asking how often Turner cleaned his gun. They're trying to pin this on him!"

"...Sorry, I didn't know that."

"Yeah, because you didn't care, right?"

"This isn't fair, Spencer. I tried to protect you guys and failed. I'll have to live with that. What do you want me to do?"

"Fix this!" Spencer grabbed Greg's arm in a tight, painful grip, dragging him back inside the station.

"What are you doing? Stop!" Greg was trying real hard to stay calm, but a slight feeling of panic was creeping up on him slowly.

A lot of eyes followed them as they made their way to the interrogation room. Spencer opened the door and pushed Greg inside, closing the door behind him. "Sit down," he ordered.

Greg was a little reluctant to do so, but he did, anyway. "Will you please explain to me what you're doing?" Being in a closed room together with just one person was making him uncomfortable at the moment, but it was much worse with an agitated man like Spencer.

"Here, write down that you're revoking your report." He put some paper and a pen in front of Greg on the table. They both didn't realize that they were being watched by half a dozen police officers staring through the mirrored window.

"This is how it happened, Spencer. You know that."

"I don't recall handing you any gun. You must've either had one with you all along or grabbed Turner's yourself. Write that down." He sat down opposite the CSI.

"...Please, don't make this any harder than it already is. Do you think I like this? I feel guilty and I **know** the whole department blames me. I don't deserve this, I did nothing wrong," Greg kept repeating that line, trying to convince not only Spencer but also himself.

Spencer rose up from his seat, walking a few steps closer to Greg. His hands were shaking from the anger he felt. "I'm not **asking** you to do it, alright? Just do it!"

"I'm not gonna lie on a police report so you can feel better. It wouldn't change anything, anyway."

While Greg meant this in the most supportive way, it angered Spencer to a point where he just didn't care about any consequences anymore. He walked behind Greg and grabbed him, putting the pen in his hand and trying to force him to write.

The CSI released a painful scream as Spencer put his fingers around his injured hand. "Stop, please! Spencer, you..." He tried to get him to stop with his left hand, but this pushed Spencer only further.

He grabbed Greg's left arm and put it behind his back forcefully, pushing his upper body on the table. "Write it!"

Greg was too shocked to try to fight him off. He knew he wouldn't stand a chance, anyway, so he just remained like that. He had already let go of the pen, he was now just shaking and wailing, moaning in pain.

" **You** took the gun, this wasn't my fault. It's yours!" Spencer yelled as his eyes started to water. He kept pressing him down. "Listen to me! I know your weaknesses, alright? I know what scares you, I know what haunts you! So stop messing around and do what I tell you to! Change the report!"

Several moments of him trying to intimidate Greg passed until one of the officers watching outside walked in to get Spencer off of him. "Come on, man. He's not worth the trouble."

No one took care of Greg or even asked if he was alright, but he needed a moment to himself to catch his breath, anyway.


	4. Chapter 4

**Ready for the next chapter?**

* * *

Greg spent the next two days figuring out what to do about the incident at the police station. Talking to Nick for advice wasn't something he planned to do, since his friend was too hot-headed and he knew he wouldn't be able to keep quiet about this. He did contemplate telling Russell, but he was sure he wouldn't be able to keep this to himself, either. The fact that he was embarrassed about it didn't help make up his mind at all, but it gave him enough strength to keep a straight face around his colleagues. They did sense him being in a worse mood than before, but they figured it was a natural stage of coming to terms with the death of officer Turner.

Him and Nick had just finished with an intense interrogation and were both spent from it. While Nick walked with the officers to get some paperwork for the arrest of the suspect done, Greg stayed behind to collect their stuff. While he did, he spotted Spencer standing outside the closed door, staring inside. As soon as their eyes locked, the officer walked in.

Greg instinctively took a step back. He didn't say a word, just stared at him.

Spencer didn't say anything, either, but walked in and closed the door behind him. They stared at each other for a few moments.

"...I-I need to get going," Greg finally said to break the uncomfortable silence. He grabbed his files and kit with shaky hands but didn't walk towards the door – Spencer stood in the way.

"This won't take long," he replied as he took a few steps closer.

Greg dropped his stuff back on the desk. "Look, I can't change the report. We'd both get in trouble for it and it won't change anything. No one blames you or Turner for what happened. Some blame me but... I know it's not my fault, either." The look in Spencer's eyes as Greg said this changed. It scared the CSI and he was surprised when Spencer took several steps forward towards him. He took another step backwards but was already hitting the wall. Spencer was now too close for his comfort zone and surprised him with a tight, long hug.

"I know it's not your fault," Spencer sobbed as his hug got tighter.

Greg was surprised by his own reaction. He expected fear and panic to be his main emotions, but instead he broke down crying just like Spencer. The officer's hug had something comforting he didn't expect. He appreciated it – needed it, even – so the two remained in that hug for quite some time.

It wasn't until they talked things out and walked out of that interrogation room that they realized that several officers and Nick had been watching most of that scene. The officers scattered as soon as they saw the two were walking out, but Nick remained standing there.

Greg tried to act like nothing odd was going on. "...Ready to, uh, get back to the lab?" he asked Nick, attempting to walk him towards the exit. But Nick didn't move, he stared Spencer down. "Nick?"

"What the hell's going on here?" Nick asked with an anger-filled voice.

"This was something between me and Greg," the officer simply replied. He was quite fed up with Nick's meddling for a while now, but had no patience for it now.

"...A-And it's all good now," Greg added hesitantly. "Let's go."

Spencer and Nick kept staring at each other, both looking at the other in a threatening manner. Their body language was extremely tensed up.

"...Let's go, Nick." He was desperate to get the two apart, fearing they might actually start a fight right here in the police department.

After some hesitation, Nick turned to Greg. "I can't believe you didn't tell me about this." He walked out of the station without looking at Spencer again.

* * *

"Hey, where did you go?" Greg asked as he stood in the doorway, trying to act casual, half an hour after Nick stormed out of the police station.

"Out," he replied as he sat down at the table in the break room.

"...Why are you angry at me?" Greg asked with an insecure and sad smile on his face.

"I'm not."

"I can see that you are. And I don't get it."

Nick sighed as he gave him an annoyed look. "Do you need anything?"

It had been a few emotionally straining days for Greg and he wasn't good at hiding his true emotions at the moment. He teared up. "I didn't do anything wrong."

Nick's hard shell crumbled as he saw tears rolling down his friend's cheek. "...I know that."

"But you're acting like I did. This isn't my fault. It's not my fault Spencer's angry and it's not my fault Turner..."

Nick stopped him as he got off his seat. "Don't even say that, we all know you're not responsible. And this isn't about that."

"Then what is it about?"

Nick walked over towards Greg to close the door and get him to sit down. "I just keep asking myself why you could possibly think you needed to keep what Spencer did to yourself."

"There's many reasons. I felt ashamed and didn't want to get him in trouble."

"Why?"

"He might not be your favorite person but I consider him a friend."

"...You do?" Nick gave him a look. "He annoys you."

"That still doesn't mean that he deserves to get fired for doing something in a stressful situation. He was drunk and..."

Nick interrupted him. "Stop defending the guy. What he did was... There's no way to defend it." It took Nick a while to read Greg's face impression, but he finally did. "...You think you deserve what he did, don't you?"

"No, that's not..." He shook his head.

"You know you're not responsible for Turner's death, you just said so yourself."

He nodded with an unconvincing look on his face.

"Why won't you believe yourself?"

Greg sighed. "Come on, don't you ever think about what Spencer said? Why didn't the guy shoot me, too? It was risky not to do it, I could identify him."

"You said you didn't really see his face."

"...Yes, but how is he supposed to know what I saw or didn't see? It just doesn't make any sense."

"I'm sure he has his reasons." Nick had no idea what else to say to this. He – like everybody else – wondered the same thing.

"It's just... I keep wondering if I did everything right. Had I done something different, maybe..."

"Stop it, Greg. Don't listen to those maybe's. There was no way to fight this guy. Had you tried, I'm sure you wouldn't be here right now. You're not at fault here, the shooter is. Spencer knows that and everybody else does, too. Don't be too hard on yourself."

* * *

Spencer and Greg tried to heal together the following days. The officer wasn't back at work yet, but the two met at the lab to spend the CSIs lunch break together in the break room. It raised a lot of eyebrows seeing the two together as rumors about the incident in the break room had already reached the lab. Almost everyone knew about it, but different variations of the story had spread.

The two didn't realize they had been watched by many people outside the room.

Brass and Russell knocked on the open door as they walked in.

"Hey guys," Greg said with a faint smile on his face that faded as he figured out why they might be here.

"Officer Spencer, would you step outside for a minute?" Russell asked in a calm tone, glancing over to Greg.

"Russell, what are you doing?" Greg spotted two officers waiting outside the room.

"Greg, I'll meet you in my office in five minutes, okay?"

"Are you arresting him?!" He jumped off his seat.

Brass shook his head. "We just need to talk to him."

"Then what are the two uniforms outside doing?" Greg asked in a raised, agitated voice. His reaction surprised all three men.

Officer Spencer got up, too. "It's okay, Greg. They feared I might be resisting, is all. Right, captain?" Spencer went on once Brass nodded. "Don't worry, I'll go with you. I won't make any problems."

* * *

"Why can't I go with them?" Greg asked nervously as Russell entered the office. The CSI had been waiting in here for almost fifteen minutes.

"You wanted to go with them?" he asked confused as he sat down in his chair.

"Yeah. Are they going to arrest him? Because there's no reason to do that."

"How do you know that?"

Greg sighed. "This isn't right. He's mourning."

Russell frowned. "We all are, but that doesn't mean we should ignore this. We just need to talk to him, find out what he knows. He might be completely innocent, but we can't be sure."

"...Huh?" Greg asked confused. "...What are you talking about?"

The supervisor raised his eyebrows. "What are **you** talking about?"

Greg got off his seat. "What's going on?"

"We found the drug addict who was with you guys when Turner got shot."

"...You did?" Greg sat back down in shock. "He's alive?"

He nodded. "He is. And he had a lot to say about the guy who shot Turner."

As Russell started explaining that they believe the reason Turner was targeted was that he had been involved with some drug dealers, Greg just sat there in shock. These things started to make sense. It would explain why Turner was the only one killed – this wasn't a random attack at the police, this was a personal attack on Turner. But as Russell went on, Greg realized that Spencer wasn't talking to Brass because of the incident in the interrogation room. "...What about Spencer? Is he involved in this, too...?"

Russell shook his head. "Not that we know of, no. But that's why we needed to talk to him. We need to find out what he knows. And yes, we know there's a possibility he might be involved, too. Turner did tamper with evidence to help his drug dealing friends. Spencer and him have been partners for a while now, we need to find out what he knows." Russell's phone got a text message. He read it, then looked at Greg. "Brass is asking you to wait for him, he wants to talk to you, too."


	5. Chapter 5

**Happy Easter, guys!**

* * *

Greg was visibly nervous as he waited for Brass in Russell's office. The supervisor tried to calm him down, but his attempts didn't work. Greg's heartbeat elevated when Brass entered. "H-How'd it go with Spencer?"

Brass gave him a faint smile. "He didn't know about Turner and I believe him. We have no reason not to, it's fine."

"Good. That's good..." Greg was relieved about those news, he actually thought Spencer might've had something to do with Turner's illegal activity – he didn't trust him after the attack. "So... Can I go now?"

Brass shook his head as he closed the door behind him. "While he's innocent on any drug offenses... I'm not sure what to think about the attack in the interrogation room."

Greg stared at him in shock. "There was no attack," he said after a short silent moment.

"Sure sounds like there was one, Greg. Why didn't you say anything?"

"Let's not blow this out of proportion, okay? Nobody got hurt, Spencer and I worked it out... It's all good now. Why did he even tell you about it?"

"He didn't. One of the officers approached me, saying he was worried about Spencer."

Russell sighed. "Now the rumors make sense..."

"What rumors?" Greg raised an eyebrow.

"People have been talking about some fight at the station, but they didn't mention any names. Just that..." Russell paused. He looked Greg up and down. "What happened, really?"

"Does it really matter?"

"It does. The rumors are pretty... varied and worrisome."

Greg sighed. He didn't look like he was about to explain what happened.

"Fine, you don't want to talk? How about answering some questions? Was there any form of sexual violence?"

"...What? Why would you say that?"

"Because that's what some of the rumors are about."

Greg's eyes instantly watered. He was upset that people would spread rumors of that nature about him – like this was all they saw in him anymore, a victim of sexual violence. "The rumors are wrong."

His reaction worried Russell and Brass. It made it seem like he was lying when he really wasn't. "You can tell us."

"There was no sexual violence. Spencer's not that kind of guy. He's a good person who had something bad happen to him. He snapped. Nothing more happened."

"Then why are you crying?" Brass asked sympathetically.

It was hard to explain for Greg, he hardly understood it, himself. "I-I don't know. It's been a rough few days and... Spencer doesn't deserve to be punished for a reaction perfectly reasonable after what he's been through."

"No one's talking about punishment, yet. But we need to know what happened."

"Well... Did you ask him?"

Brass shook his head. "He was pretty... devastated to hear Turner was involved in criminal activities. He was already on his way home when the officer told me. But we'll talk to him, too."

"Please don't. He feels bad about it already."

"Come on, Greg. Be reasonable here. We already know **something** happened. Why don't you tell us what exactly happened?"

* * *

Greg had kept the story very short, trying to trivialize what happened. Russell and Brass were both aware of that fact, the things he said didn't match the emotions he showed. They decided to talk to a few more people to shed some light on it. They didn't talk to Spencer, yet. Instead, they gave him time to process the news about Turner.

It was later that day when Greg knocked on Spencer's door.

"Greg, hey." Spencer opened the door with a tear-stained face. "You heard, huh?"

The CSI nodded. "I can't believe it."

"Me neither." He gave him a sad smile as he invited him in.

"How are you holding up?"

Spencer shrugged as he sat down on the couch. "I knew him, Greg. I don't get it. I never noticed anything. ...Maybe I just didn't want to notice."

"I'm sure he was good at hiding this. There's no way you could've known."

"Are you sure? I spent so much time with him and it feels like I didn't know him at all. He's always been very private and not very talkative but... I never thought anything of it."

Greg nodded. He never really liked Turner. Even though he never expected anything about him, he didn't think it was too much of a surprise. Turner was quite a shady character, always moody and reclusive.

The officer grabbed a card from the coffee table. "This was in the mail today. His funeral is on tuesday. I'm not even sure I want to attend anymore. What am I suppose to do now? Everything I thought I knew about him is wrong. I didn't know that man."

* * *

Greg had planned to tell Spencer that Brass needed to talk to him about the attack at the police station, but after seeing him devastated over Turner's dark secrets, he decided to try another approach. "What do I have to do to make this go away?" he asked as he barged into Brass' office.

"Excuse me?" the captain asked confused.

"This whole thing. There's got to be some way to make it go away. You don't need to talk to Spencer about this, please leave him alone."

"Are you scared he might tell the whole truth instead of your butchered story?"

Greg looked shocked, like he'd been caught. "I-I told the truth."

"Yeah? Then why do you have a problem with us talking to him?"

"He's in a very bad place right now, he doesn't need the extra stress. He regrets what he did, isn't that enough?"

"Depends on what he did, really. We've talked to a few more officers and no story is like the other. Most of them were downplaying the story even more than you did."

"I-I didn't downplay..."

Brass interrupted him as he got off his seat to close the door. "Listen, I know Spencer quite well. I'm confident he'd tell the whole truth if I asked him. I need the truth, Greg. Tell me the whole story, then I might not need to ask Spencer."

Greg knew there was no other way, so he told him what happened – all of it, without leaving anything out. He got quite emotional as he told the story, pausing quite a few times to hold back tears. It was painfully obvious Greg hadn't left this whole ordeal behind already – he was nowhere near being over it. "But we worked it out."

"Yeah, you said that already." Brass released a deep sigh. He wasn't quite sure yet how to handle this situation. This was a first for him, too. "Did you talk to someone about this?"

The CSI was surprised and confused by this question. "...N-Not really, but... why are you asking?"

"Greg... I'm really not sure what to do about this. You say you guys worked it out, yet you're hardly able to talk about it."

"...What'll happen to Spencer?"

"I don't care about him right now. I care about you. I worry about you."

"...Don't. There's no need to, I'll be fine."

"And you really want Spencer to get away with this without having to face any consequences?"

He nodded. "There's no point in it, is there? There's been too much hurt already. Him losing his job over this wouldn't help me or him, would it?"

Brass got a piece of paper and a pen out of a drawer. He paused before he started writing something. "Okay. I get that. I agree, but... There's one consequence this story needs to have for him." He handed Greg the paper. "Do you want me to give it to him or do you want to give it to him yourself?"

"...What is this? Dr. Foster... Who is he?"

"You know, these guys often refrain from going to the department's shrink out of shame. They fear others at the station might find out about it. So I send them to Dr. Foster. I've known him for a few years and he does a great job. Give his number to Spencer, tell him to make an appointment with him. I hope he won't oppose to it but if he does... Let him know it's not optional. He will have to face consequences for attacking you if he doesn't go, alright? At least ten sessions."


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry it took me so long to update. Here's a long chapter to make up for it. Hope you guys are still interested in this story! ;)**

* * *

Greg wasn't sure what to think of Brass' offer. He agreed that Spencer needed professional help to guide him through these hard times, but he wasn't sure the officer would accept this offer as gladly as the captain assumed. He was afraid to ask Spencer about it, but he didn't want Brass to take over, either.

Instead of going over to the officer's place, he decided to ask him to have coffee with him in his lunch break. He chose the diner around the corner, where lots of police officers were present most of the time – even though he didn't trust them as much as he used to at the moment, it gave him some feeling of security.

Spencer greeted the CSI with a hug. He had a big smile on his lips as he patted Greg's shoulder. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"Uh... Good," he replied rather confused. "You seem to be in a great mood."

"Well, I am." They sat down in a booth. "I realized something, you know? It's like I told you, I didn't even know Turner. I only knew who he posed as. Where's the point in grieving over a stranger's death?"

Greg wasn't sure whether to be worried or impressed. He got where Spencer was coming from, but he had a hard time believing he was sincere. "Yeah but..."

"No 'but', Greg. Life's too short."

"So... Have you decided whether you want to attend the funeral or not?"

"I think I'll go, but only because most of the guys will be there."

Greg frowned. "Spencer, I'm happy if you found a way to cope but... this all sounds a little weird, to be honest."

The officer shrugged. "I know, but I prefer feeling like this to how I've been feeling the past few days."

"But it's okay to grieve and..."

"Stop it, alright?" He kept his smile on his lips. "I'm fine. You wanna come to the funeral with me?"

Greg's confusion only grew. "What?"

"I don't know, I figured it might be important to you. You're a sensitive guy, I get that."

The CSI hadn't thought about that, yet. He did offer to accompany Spencer if needed, but he wasn't too eager to attend this man's funeral. "Here," he finally said quite clumsily, handing him the number of Dr. Foster. He needed to change the subject and didn't know a smoother way to do that. "You should give him a call."

"Who's that? A shrink?"

Greg nodded quite insecure. "You're obviously going through something right now, I think it would be a good idea to get some professional help, you know?"

"Look, I know you've been seeing a shrink for a while now and I'm glad it helps you, but I don't need it, I'm fine."

"...No one needs to know about this, Spencer."

The officer raised an eyebrow. "What's that supposed to mean? That I should be embarrassed if I went?"

"No, of course not." He hastily shook his head. "Just promise me you'll call him and go to a few sessions. Maybe ten."

"Ten? What the hell is going on, Greg? I don't need this."

"Yes you do. You don't have a choice." Greg didn't mean to say this, it just slipped out. "I mean, you..."

"What are you talking about?"

The CSI sighed desperately. "This isn't my idea, alright? It's Brass'."

"...You talked to Brass about me?"

"No, he talked to me. Did you know everyone's talking about what happened between us? He heard some rumors and forced me to tell him what happened. I tried to shield you from any consequences, but Brass only agreed to it if you go see a therapist."

"...Consequences?" It took the officer a moment to realize what Greg was talking about. "...Jesus christ..." He took the paper out of Greg's hand. "Thanks, Greg. I-I'm sorry, I'll call him."

He couldn't believe how easy it was. "Really?"

"Yeah, I mean... Yes, I think I'm over Turner's death but... Maybe I need to deal with the fact that I hurt you just because I was frustrated."

Greg shook his head. "No, you didn't hurt me, alright? And you were more than just frustrated. I don't want you to feel bad about it. Just... do something for yourself. Go see that therapist. It'll make getting over all of this easier and quicker."

* * *

Turner's murderer had been identified, but he hadn't been found yet. They knew he was involved in several other murders one way or the other, but it would be a while before they'd find him. Greg and Spencer had to live with that – knowing that this person was still out there. They both tried to be rational about this – if he wanted to kill them, he would've done it back when he had the chance to. Both were living in fear for the next few weeks, either way, because rationality wasn't something their minds were relying on right now.

Greg was feeling quite uncomfortable in the black suit he was wearing today. He stood around awkwardly in the doorway of the hall where Turner's funeral was held at. Most of the guests had already gathered inside, grieving together over this man's death. Not as many people attended as had originally planned, many were too distraught after learning he was involved in some very shady business, even tampering with evidence in several cases. But his family and closest friends showed up, thanking everyone from the station who came.

Greg tried not to draw too much attention on himself, slowly sneaking in. He knew Turner's family was aware of who he was so he tried to avoid them.

"Hey Greg!" Spencer yelled from across the room, instantly making people turn their heads at the two. "I didn't know you'd show." He walked up to him with a smile, which only caused more discomfort in the young CSI.

"...H-Hey Spencer. It didn't feel right to let you go by yourself but... Seeing you're not alone, maybe this was..."

Spencer put an arm around Greg's shoulder. "Hey guys, look who showed up," he exclaimed joyful as he turned Greg to a group of police officers he knew very well, not only from the job, but he also recognized some of them as the officers who stood outside the interrogation room and watched as Spencer assaulted him.

He gave them all a faked, sheepish smile. "Hey guys."

They nodded acknowledging, but were a bit surprised he came.

"I... I just came here to..." He was struggling to find the right words – he wasn't even sure there were any right words to say right now.

"Here, just have a drink," one of the officers said as he handed him a glass.

"...Thanks." He took the drink and sipped from it, surprised how strong it was.

* * *

Greg didn't know how, but Spencer talked him into going out for drinks with him and the guys after the funeral. He came home several hours later, drunk and tired, sitting down on the couch with a confused look on his face.

"Greg?" Nick asked as he walked out of his bedroom. He noticed he was wearing a black suit. "I thought you didn't want to go to the funeral."

"I changed my mind, I don't even know why..." He sighed as he tilted his head back. "This was one weird night."

Nick looked at his watch. "When was the funeral?"

"4 p.m."

He frowned. "You realize it's almost midnight?"

Greg nodded as he chuckled. The chuckle was a desperate-filled one. "I went out for drinks with Spencer and some of the guys from the station afterwards."

"...Really? How was it?"

Greg shrugged. "Weird. They kept pouring out drinks and... I'm quite drunk to be honest."

Nick laughed. Even though there was quite a heavy look on Greg's face, he didn't seem as strained as he did the last days. "So you really worked things out?"

He nodded as he closed his eyes. "This was such a weird day. You should've seen Turner's family. They avoided me as much as I avoided them. Spencer talked to them a lot, but it was obvious they didn't want to talk to him."

"Classic Spencer, huh?"

Greg smiled, but only for a moment. "I really worry about him, you know."

Nick nodded as he sat down next to him. "He'll be fine. You gave him that shrink's number, didn't you? I'm sure he'll be able to help him get through this."

"I hope so..."

"And since we're already on this subject... What about you?"

"...What about me?"

"You said your appointment with Dr. Reyes is next month."

"So?"

"What date?"

He gave Nick a look. "What does it matter?"

"You're worried Spencer might not get over this. I worry you might not."

"No need to worry, I'm fine."

"Stop repeating that lie, Greg. How could you possibly be fine after this? I'm not fine after this and I wasn't even present."

"...I'm just trying to be strong for Spencer."

"Well, he's not here and you don't have to be strong for me. You can tell me what's on your mind."

"Nick..."

"What, do you need another drink before you're able to talk?"

Greg laughed. "No, please. Another drink would be torture. Look, what do you expect me to say? Of course I'm not fine, but what does it help reminding myself about it?"

"You know, we never really talked about what happened in the interrogation room..."

"What's there to talk about, Nick? It was an ugly scene. I've never seen Spencer like that."

"You know he'll be back to work soon, right?"

"...So?"

"So... will you be okay with that? Will you be able to trust him with your life?"

"Nick, nothing really changed. To be perfectly honest, yes, there might be some doubts in my mind, but that's only because I had trust issues prior to that. If it wasn't for Novak and... everything else that happened, this would've been nothing more than a bad argument with him. He's still this nice, overprotective guy who's great at his job and saved my life more than once. He's still the same guy."

Nick took a deep breath as he got off the couch, patting Greg's shoulder. He wanted to tell him how naïve it was to believe that this traumatizing event didn't change Spencer, but he realized there was no need to point that out.

* * *

Several weeks after the murder of officer Turner, Greg and Spencer found themselves working a crime scene together again. While Spencer was stoked about this, Greg wasn't as euphoric as his colleague was. He was able to forgive Spencer and acknowledge that he only attacked him because he'd been in a great deal of stress and that his actions from that day don't represent who he is as a cop or a person, but there was still some insecurity on the CSIs part. He tried to leave this ordeal behind but was struggling with it.

Greg had been processing this backalley for almost two hours now, sending some evidence to the lab while he was still working the scene. The body's been in autopsy for a while now, too.

"Greg, can I talk to you?" Russell walked up to him.

It came as a surprise. "What are you doing here? Everything alright?"

"Not exactly. Finish up with this and follow me, please."

Greg quickly did what he was asked to and hurried after his supervisor. "What's going on? I still have at least an hour of work ahead of me."

"You don't, you're off the case."

He frowned. "What?"

"Your victim was a police officer with the Boulder City Police Department. Some of the evidence you collected links this case to Turner's death."

Greg looked with worried eyes over to officer Spencer. "Does he know?"

"I'll tell him now."

"C-Can I do it?"

"Are you sure you want that?"

He nodded even though he wasn't sure at all. He just felt like he needed to do it.

* * *

"Are you sure you're alright?" Greg asked Spencer as he stopped at a red light. He had offered to give Spencer a ride back to the station, since his new partner needed to stay at the scene with their patrol car.

"Greg, stop asking. Sure, it ripped open some fresh wounds but... It was bound to happen. A guy like this... Turner sure as hell wasn't his first kill and it makes sense he's not his last."

"We don't know yet that this was the same guy."

He gave Greg a look. "Come on, what connects the two cases? Some evidence they found at the scenes. Whatever it is, it probably was some trace from the guy. I don't like the thought of him running around in town again, either, but..." He shrugged as he looked out of the window.

"Are... Are you scared?" Greg asked after some hesitation.

"No. He had the chance to kill us and didn't take it. Besides, I'd be happy to face him again, show him what I'm capable of when I'm not incapacitated."

The anger in the officer's voice made Greg uncomfortable. He was relieved when the lights turned green and he was able to drive again.

"Stop!" Spencer grabbed the wheel to stop Greg from making a left turn.

The CSI hit the breaks in shock. "What are you doing?"

Spencer noticed - but ignored - Greg's fearful response. "Isn't that him?"

"...What? Who?"

Spencer pointed at a man crouching in an alley several feet away from them.

"Him? You mean... I-I don't know, I don't think so."

"Yeah, it's him. You got your gun with you?"

"...What?"

"Your gun, do you have it?"

"Spencer, we're not going out there. If you think this might be him I can call for backup but..."

"No." Spencer grabbed his gun. "You can call for backup, but I'll go after him."

Greg put his hand on Spencer's arm as he opened the door. "Please don't."

The officer was quite touched by Greg's worries, but it didn't change anything about his determination. "I'll be fine. I'll get this son of a bitch, don't worry. Just stay here and make sure you're safe. If anything goes wrong, just drive away, don't try to help me, alright?"

"This is madness, backup will be here in a few minutes... Spencer, please!" It was too late, the officer had already made up his mind. He sneaked up to the man he suspected to be Turner's murderer.

Greg didn't have his gun with him and even if he did – he was terrified of that man and wouldn't dare to stand face to face with him again. But he worried about Spencer, feeling helpless right now. He watched the officer approach the man while he called for backup. Knowing it would be safest to stay in the car, he did just that, but contemplated driving closer. But before he could make up his mind about this decision, Spencer was already on top of the man as he pushed him down against the ground.

Greg felt safe enough to drive closer once he had handcuffs put on him, but backup was already arriving, too. "Spencer, are you alright?"

The officer was breathing both excited and exhausted as he handed the man over to his colleagues. "It's him. I can't believe it, it's him!"

The man had his head down low, he didn't look at Greg.

"It's him." Spencer had tears in his eyes as he walked over to Greg to hug him.

"Why aren't they putting him in the patrol car and driving him away?" The CSI asked as he got out of the embrace. Just now did he notice bloodstains on the officer's uniform. "Are you hurt?"

"No, **he** is. I'm fine." He panted exhausted. "I'm fine." He smiled at Greg.


	7. Chapter 7

**Ready for the next one?**

* * *

Everyone at the lab and police station were celebrating the latest arrest of officer Turner's murderer. He turned out to be a contract killer, working for a drug dealer officer Turner and the officer from Boulder City were involved with, tampering with evidence and intimidating victims and suspects for him. His name was Frankie Patton and he was being treated at the hospital for several wounds on his face and body.

After answering a lot of questions at the police station, Greg was allowed to go home and get some rest. He had troubles falling asleep after this exhausting night, thoughts were running wild in his head, it was impossible to find any rest. "Nick?" He knocked on his friend's opened bedroom door. The older CSI had just come home half an hour ago. "Hey you. You said you wanted to get some sleep once you get home, why are you awake?"

"I couldn't sleep."

Nick invited him in. "Exciting night, huh?"

Greg nodded as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm glad this guy is off the street but..." He sighed deeply. "Spencer was so controlled, so... He didn't use any excessive force, he didn't hurt this guy, he just arrested him."

"Greg, I... I'm not sure I can follow."

"Look, I know this sounds weird but... Why was he so controlled? This guy killed his partner and almost killed him, too. All I ever did was..." He stopped himself, knowing he'd start crying if he went on.

"...You're wondering why he didn't use any excessive force while arresting this murderer while he assaulted you?"

The young CSI nodded reluctantly. "I know it's a horrible thought but..."

"You know..." Nick sat down next to him. "I think it's a valid question, but you'll probably never get a comforting answer. My best guess is that he was drunk, frustrated and grieving when he assaulted you and he's processed Turner's death by know, he's not controlled by emotions anymore."

He shrugged. "I guess so."

"Are you sure you'll be able to work with him? ...Trust him?"

"Most of the time working with him I didn't even think about it that much. But when I do, I... I really have to concentrate not to get a panic attack."

"Well, then seeing him controlled in a situation like tonight... Shouldn't that give you some comfort? It seems like he's over it and he can probably be trusted, no?"

Greg nodded as he shrugged his shoulder. "Probably."

"Look, it's been a few hours since the guy has been caught. Don't expect things to go back to normal that quickly. It'll happen, but you need to give yourself some time. It's okay if you're having trouble sleeping, it'll stop eventually."

* * *

Spencer had asked Greg a huge favor – one the CSI wasn't sure he wanted to do for him, but got talked into eventually. He found himself sitting in a therapy session with the officer and Dr. Foster a week after Turner's murderer had been caught. Spencer asked him to attend one of the sessions with him so they could work things out between the two. Greg claimed there was nothing to work out between them, but the officer knew better.

"Thank you for doing this for me, Greg," he said with a smile on his face.

Dr. Foster nodded. "Barry has a few things to tell you he feels safest to say here in therapy."

"S-Sure." Greg shrugged as he nodded. "But we're alright, Spencer. You know that, right?"

"We're not alright, Greg. I see the way you look at me. You keep wondering whether I'll do something to you someday or not. And it really pains me to see you scared of me."

"...Well, I'm sorry I hurt you but... I don't know any other way to deal with this right now."

"That's what we're here for!" he exclaimed joyful. "Dr. Foster will help us find ways to deal with it!"

Greg sighed. "Look, we don't need any new strategys to deal with this. All we need is time and patience."

"Can you think of anything Barry could do to speed up the process, Greg?" Dr. Foster asked with a soft smile on his face.

"Not really."

Dr. Foster could sense that Greg was quite reserved. "Barry apologized, right? He also told me you acknowledge that it was a very stressful time for him. He's never acted aggressive towards you before, right?"

Greg nodded. "Yeah."

"What do you need to store this away as a one time thing? Do you actually fear it could happen again?"

Greg was getting quite uncomfortable. He didn't want a therapy session from this man right now, he had his own therapist and was just here for Spencer. "I just said all I need is time. There's nothing else that can help me with this, okay?" He looked at the officer. "I know this was an unsually stressful time and I know that you normally wouldn't do anything to harm me but... We have stressful jobs. We might get into a smilar situation again and... How do I know you'd react different the next time?"

Spencer looked at him in shock. "You think I'd do this to you again?"

"Well, no... I mean... I don't know. I can't know for sure."

Spencer's eyes watered. "I could never hurt you, Greg."

Greg laughed humorlessly. "See, here's the problem. You did. You did hurt me. I know I said before that you didn't but... Emotionally, you did hurt me. And I wonder if it's only a matter of time before you hurt me physically."

Spencer didn't even try to hold back his tears. "If I could take back those horrible things I said, I would. I scared myself, I don't know where that anger came from. It scares me to know there's this anger inside me I couldn't control in that moment but... I'm working on it, alright? I'm here in therapy, I'll get to the root of my problem and it won't ever happen again. Not to you, not to anybody else, alright?"

Greg just sat there, nodding his head as he was staring down on the coffee table in front of him. "Wait..." he said after a short moment of silence. "No. Have you been telling him this?" he adressed Dr. Foster. "Spencer, you **know** where that anger came from. It didn't come from some irrational, confusing place deep inside you. You had every right to be angry. You were mourning and you were traumatized, you almost lost your own life. You blamed yourself for what happened, it's normal to be angry. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"...B-But if that's your... theory, then why do you fear I might do it again?"

"Because **my fear** isn't rational, Barry." The CSI sighed. "My mind knows this will never happen again. My mind knows you're not dangerous. You're one of the kindest, sweetest people I know. There's no way there's some deep, dark and dangerous anger inside you that's just waiting to come out. But... My emotions won't let me listen to my mind. All I've learned in the last few years is that men want to hurt me. And with your threats you made me wonder when you'll try your luck." He released a humorless chuckle as he shook his head. For a moment he forgot him and Spencer weren't alone. He looked at the doctor. "...Sorry."

Dr. Foster shook his head. "No, this was quite impressive. Quite an insight. I'm not surprised, Barry told me about your past."

Greg was beginning to feel uncomfortable. "C-Can we finish up here?"

"What's bothering you right now, Greg?" the psychiatrist asked quite interested.

"Nothing." He shook his head.

"It's okay, we don't need to talk about it." Dr. Foster cleared his throat.

* * *

Greg was asked to meet Russell at his office at the start of his shift the next day. He already sensed what this talk could be about, but was surprised to find Brass and Spencer walking in. "What's going on, Russell?" he whispered to him. There was some awkwardness between Greg and Spencer after their therapy session together. Greg opened up to him in a way he hadn't planned to do and hadn't seen him since.

"We just wanted to give you guys an update on the case. We've made a lot of progress in the last days," the supervisor explained as he sat down in his chair.

"Oh, that... that's good." Greg started fidgeting in his seat as Spencer sat down next to him.

Brass started explaining, "We were able to connect Frankie Patton to three other unsolved murders. All police officers from cities in Nevada. We're going to need to take a look into all their cases, it's likely they tampered with evidence as well."

Greg released a deep sigh. "Wow, a lot of work ahead of us, huh?"

The captain nodded. "There's just one thing. We can connect Patton to a few other murders that don't involve any police officers."

Spencer frowned. "So?"

"So that means," Russell chimed in, "Patton isn't the one who wanted Turner dead. He's just the one who did it. He's a contract killer. Whoever wanted Turner dead is still out there."

Greg's eyes watered, while Spencer was better at hiding his emotions. "...A Contract killer?"


	8. Chapter 8

**We've reached the last chapter! More stories to follow, I hope you enjoyed this one :)**

* * *

Frankie Patton didn't testify to any of the allegations. He hardly talked to Brass or Russell when they interrogated him. Spencer wanted to try his luck and talk to him and he wanted Greg to be there. His psychiatrist Dr. Foster told him that this could be beneficial to his mental health, but Greg wasn't so sure about it. He wasn't thrilled about that thought, but the officer could be quite persuasive when he wanted to.

Spencer had been talking for almost five minutes, while Patton hardly listened. Greg was too concentrated on keeping a poker face, he didn't listen, either.

"So, are you going to tell us?" Spencer asked as he finished his speech.

"Tell you what?" Patton asked annoyed.

"Why you spared us!" Spencer exclaimed. He was trying hard to keep a poker face, as well, but he was quite agitated right now.

"...Why I spared you?" Patton laughed as his eyes wandered between the two. "Why do you think I spared you? Because I thought you were special? Because I liked you two? I didn't get paid to off you two clowns, that's why."

"...You didn't get paid... that's why? **That's** why we're still alive?" Spencer hopped off his seat. "Are you goddamn serious?!"

Patton grinned at them. "What else did you want to hear?"

* * *

Greg and Spencer walked out of the interrogation room together – neither one of them knew how to feel about their talk with Frankie Patton.

"What a weird guy, huh?" Greg said to release some of the stress by trying to lighten the mood.

"Yeah... Greg, would you do me a favor and go to the car and wait there for me?"

"Why, where are you going?"

"Nowhere, I just..." He sighed deeply. "Just give me a minute."

It confused Greg, but he decided to do what he was asked for. When he opened the door to walk out, he could hear Spencer scream and punch a wall. He stopped to turn around and watch the officer's rage. When he was finished, Greg walked back up to him.

"I-I told you to wait at the car, I didn't want you to see me like this."

Instead of saying anything, Greg gave him a smile before he hugged him.

* * *

Greg and Spencer both seemed to be coping well in the next weeks. Greg's discomfort towards Spencer had faded, too, after seeing how controlled he was after talking to Frankie Patton. Some doubts were still buried deep inside his mind, but he was able to turn those thoughts off most of the time. They had several long talks and worked hard on maintaining their rocky friendship. It paid off, they were able to have fun at work together again.

They bumped into eachother as Greg was on his way into Brass' office when Spencer came out of it. "Uh, sorry, Spencer." Greg said with a smile on his face. "How are you?"

"Good, you?"

He nodded. "I'm fine. Is Brass here?"

"No, but I think he'll be here in a minute or two."

"Well, you wanna grab a coffee and wait with me?"

"Wish I could, but I have a lot of work to do. Talk to you later, alright?" He patted Greg's shoulder as he walked off.

Greg decided to wait in Brass' office, instead, and instantly spotted a letter on the desk. He identified the signature as Spencer's, so he decided to snoop and read it. Once he was finished with it, he grabbed it and ran out to find the officer. "Hey!" He spotted him at the door.

Spencer stopped. "Yeah?"

"What's this?" He showed him the letter.

"...You read it?" he asked angered.

"I know I shouldn't have, but I'm glad I did. You're resigning?"

He hesitated to answer. "...Yes, I am."

"...Why?"

"Come on, why do you think?"

"Because of what happened to Turner?"

"Yeah, and... because of what happened between us because of it."

Greg shook his head. "We worked this out, Spencer. There's no need for you to do this."

"No, I absolutely do. I respect you too much to force you to work with me. It's not right."

"...So what, you're running away from this job as soon as things get difficult? If you really want to do this, I won't stay in your way. But don't blame this on me."

The anger in Spencer's face faded. Desperation took it's place. "I just don't know what's right, Greg. I never wanted to hurt you and I'm so scared I might do it again if I stay."

"Well, I'm not scared about it anymore, so you shouldn't be, either. It's in your hand. If you don't want it, just don't do it. We'll be alright, okay?"

Spencer nodded hesitantly as he wiped the tears falling down his cheeks.

"I'm gonna rip this apart now, alright?" Greg did just that. "If you should ever think about quitting your job again, just tell me, alright?"

* * *

Greg walked into the break room and sat down at the table exhausted. He exhaled as he put his head down on the table.

"What's wrong?" Nick asked as he sipped from his coffee.

"I just talked Spencer out of quitting his job."

He raised his eyebrows. "He wanted to quit?"

Greg nodded as he lifted his head. "He's scared I might have a problem with us working together."

"...Well, do you?"

"No! Not at all. It's all been worked out. I don't feel uncomfortable with him anymore. He's a great police officer and a good person."

"Mhm..." Nick looked thoughtful. "So you talked him out of it?"

"Yeah, I hope he didn't just act like it. I'd really hate to see him leave."

"Look, I think it's nice that you tried. ...And I really hope you were successful. But if not... you shouldn't give it too much thought. Spencer's a grown man, he can do whatever he wants and I'm sure he knows best what's good for him."

Greg flashed him a sarcastic smile. "You wouldn't mind him leaving, huh?"

* * *

Greg adressed Spencer's desire to leave the job a few times in the following weeks, trying to make sure the officer will stay. Spencer was touched by Greg's efforts, it assured him that he actually wanted him to stay and didn't just say it because he thought it was right.

While Frankie Patton was awaiting his trial, the man who hired him to kill officer Turner hadn't been found. There were some theories about different drug lords, but nothing concrete they could prove, and Patton didn't talk to the police.

As time went by, Greg and Spencer managed to leave this whole ordeal behind them as good as they could. Their lives were as close to being back to normal as they could be under the circumstances.

Greg was looking for officer Spencer to talk to him about one of their cases. He found him in the police station's locker room, putting the items inside one locker into a box. "Spencer. What are you doing?" he asked shocked.

"Hey Greg," he exclaimed joyful. "I'm just cleaning out Turner's locker. It's been long overdue."

"...Oh. I thought you... nevermind. Why are you doing it?"

"I asked Brass if I could do it. I know he wasn't who I thought he was but... the person **I** knew still was my partner, you know?"

Greg nodded with a sad, pitying smile on his face. He knew a thing or two about co-workers showing a very different, horrifying side of themselves. But your own partner being a completely different person from who he actually was was something Greg couldn't even begin to imagine what it felt like. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm good, actually. I try not to think about who he... really was, you know? I only knew who he pretended to be. ...I know that sounds screwed up, but..." He shrugged.

"No, I think it's... one way to deal with this. So did you find anything interesting in there?"

"Not really. Just evidence of his chocolate addiction." He chuckled as he threw a bunch of chocolate bar wrappers into the trash can.

Greg smiled as he leaned against the doorframe. "I don't think the guy we knew was all made up or something. He was this guy, he just had some... darker sides to his personality, you know?"

Turner nodded as he shrugged. "Maybe. It doesn't really matter, either way, right?"

"Probably."

Spencer nodded his head as he kept looking through Turner's stuff. "Heh, look at that." He showed the CSI a picture. "I almost forgot about that. That's him and I after our first week as partners together. You know how he's always been quite grumpy? I annoyed him so much because I was always in a good mood. So after our first week, this guy starts shooting at us. Almost hit me, Turner saved my life that day. And that's when..." Spencer paused. The smile on his face started to fade. "We became friends that day."

Greg walked a few steps closer to him. "It's a nice picture."

"It is, isn't it? He was so annoyed that I wanted to take a picture, but I made a joke to make him laugh. He would've looked as grumpy as he usually did otherwise." Spencer stared at the picture. "I can't believe he kept it for all these years."

Greg felt like he could read Spencer's mind. "It's okay if you want to keep it."

"...Huh?"

"Don't throw it away. You have nice memories attached to it, keep it."

"...Are you sure? I mean..."

"What he did doesn't change the fact that you two had a good connection."

"Yeah I know but..."

"Are you sure you want to throw it out?" When Spencer shook his head, he went on, "Then don't. You might want to in a few days or weeks, or even years. But you're not sure now so... don't. There's time to do it later if you want to, but you might regret doing it if you do it now."

"I guess you're right." Spencer sighed. "Why is this so hard?"

"It'll get easier with time." He patted the officer's shoulder. "Now come on, let me help you sort through his stuff."

"Really? Okay, well... Chocolate bar wrappers go into the trashcan, everything else into the box. I'll drop it off his sister's house later. You wanna come with me when I visit her?"

Greg rembered seeing her at the funeral. "...Uhm, no thanks. That'd be too awkward."

"Awkward?"

"Yeah, at the funeral... I don't think she'd be happy to see me."

"Oh don't be ridiculous!" the officer exclaimed in his usual joyful tone. "Why wouldn't she?"

Greg smiled at him. He was impressed by his resilience. Even in the darkest of times, Spencer managed to keep his happy nature. He wasn't over Turner's death yet, but he would come out of this ordeal stronger.

* * *

 **Ende.**


End file.
